she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
