I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
