Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
