Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
