Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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