My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
