it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
