I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
