I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
