My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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