"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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