i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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