Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
