the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
