I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
