matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
