Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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