I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
