No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
