I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
