I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
