I feel like abortions should bother me more
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
