Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
