I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
