This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
