Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
