Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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