My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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