Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
