that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
