So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
