I wish I could teleport
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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