I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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