we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
