I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
