I'm really into asian looking animals
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
