I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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