My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We left the knife in your bed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
