if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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