Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
