I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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