I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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