i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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