Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
