Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
