You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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