dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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