I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
