I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
