If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
