I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize