im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
