Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
