This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
