i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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