i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
