Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's Friday. Sex?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
