He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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