I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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