Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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