I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
soo... how was my night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
