I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
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Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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