This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
