So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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