my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize