Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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