I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Still dying that you shit outside
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i think i just lost a toe
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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