Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
