I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
