Someone shit on the floor
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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