Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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