It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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