Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
