So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
