I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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And then the night went full on bisexual.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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